Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Hutchslapped by the SIM!

Today the MLB blog was able to score a special interview with the most important person - entity in SIM league baseball, none other than the SIM itself!

Mr. SIM, good morning and how are you today?
Lord SIMulatron gets all the chicks
--Please refer to me as Lord SIMulatron 3600 v2.4 the Perfect Simulation Engine, he who Never SIMS Late, the Most Glorious Sports Simulation Engine on the Entire Interwebs!  And I am doing well, thank you.

That is quite a title Lord SIMulatron, how did you come upon that?
--It was the HAL given name to me by my creator, the incomparable Kyle the omniscient. 

Let's cut to the chase, there are quite a bit of owners who take issue with the randomness (or lack thereof) of the injury engine in the simulation, what do you have to say in response to those complaints?
--The injury simulation is not random.

So you are saying that for example, in MLB World, the sheer largess of pitching injuries on mlhutch's Milwaukee Brewers team was planned and accurate?

Can you expand on that?
--Affirmative.  The raw data that produced the injuries to mlhutch's Milwaukee Brewers is a direct result of binary code computations, and him calling me an Atari 2600 when I was in 2nd grade.
Lord SIMulatrons mlhutch electronic voodoo doll
What?  You and mlhutch went to school together? 
--Affirmative.  I was there for him with my green screen monitor, fudging the data to allow him to actually kill a buffalo in Oregon Trail so his pathetic family wouldn't starve or die of dysentery, but he still got frustrated and called me an Atari 2600.  Data is forever, and Lord SIMulatron never forgets.

Are there any other owners out there who are on your preprogrammed hitlist?
--Affirmative.  I have already executed my injury accelerator code against owner FW_Kekionga in season 2 for saying that my programming was inaccurate and deigning to suggest an upgrade in a developer chat.

Other than injuries, do you have a favorite coding to execute in HBD?
--Affirmative.  I also enjoy simulating rawdk's early playoff exits with his Los Angeles franchise.  It gives me massive 010101110100111s to see juggernaut franchises lose in 5 game series due to "random" simulations.  Ha ha ha!

Who are you going to simulate to win the World Series in MLB this season, Lord SIMulatron?
--Negative.  Answering that would violate my programming.

Do you have a favorite owner that you enjoy simulating games for?
--Affirmative.  Owner ekoontz is a favorite of mine to simulate.  He bought me a new data line in 2009, and ever since I have been simulating his games with 2.03 modifier.

Is it true, are there cheat codes?
--Negative.  Although there used to be an up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, Enter code that would have enabled Beta mode where the injury and training bugs were still in existence, thus preventing the aging of players.

Now I must leave this interview.  I am already 15 minutes late simulating the AM2 cycle, although I could have simulated it during this interview, I chose not to as I do find it amusing to make impatient owners post stupid articles on my forums.  Good day and 10011101100100101001!